Sunday, September 13, 2009 ♥ 4:37 AM
I'm always searching for you, always searching for your figure.
At the opposite train platform, or through a window into the back alley.
Or in my dreams...
Though I know there's no way you could be here.
I'll always end up looking somewhere for your smile...
Whenever I see you around, deep down.... my heart... it clenches up a little.
Although I am sad, time still continues to drift slowly forwards me. I clench my teeth tightly together, and could do nothing but endure the pain and hold back my tears.
With that thought in mind, I continued to gaze out over the landscape beyond the car's window... forever.
I still remember the time when you were sad, and I called to check. Through the receiver painfully pressed against my ear, your own pain was palpable. But... there was nothing I could do. I felt useless.
"Even now, I still love you..."
I wrote that in a text message that is still stored in my cellphone till this very moment.
But I'm sure even if we had written 1000 messages back and forth, our hearts probably wouldn't have moved even 1 centimeter closer.
Over these past few weeks, I've only wanted to move forward and touch that which I couldn't reach, though I've never been able to tangibly define what it was. Not knowing where those near intimidating thoughts came from, I simply continued to live. As things finally came into focus, I was in unbearable pain, knowing my heart had gradually lost its freedom and flexibility in bygone days.
And then, one morning...
When I realized I had completely lost my earnest and acute feelings from long ago, I knew I was at my limit and lost my mind...
Yesterday, I dreamt a dream. A dream from long ago. Within the dream, I was seated in a hall screaming with teenagers and performers. In the distance, the lights shimmering in front of me were set sparsely, far and wide. All that could be seen was the glorious orchestra, with you playing the musical instrument gracefully.
The new dawn, how I'll be from now on, and the words of love I could never tell you.
On this night, where it seems the stars will fall from the sky, I want to be truthful to myself.
And then, I wished, without hesitation, that one day, I would be able to see you perform in a bigger stage. Yes. I'll see you then.
If wishes do come true, I want to be by your side.
Again.
