Friday, September 4, 2009 ♥ 1:20 AM
失去你的第四十四天， 心里（难过得很)
For two nights in a row, I've been dreaming of her. Here's the worst part, part of me felt like staying in the dream forever. Part of me felt like waking up on the spot. Because I know, no matter what happens, there's no reason we'd ever be together again. We don't even talk anymore either.
What makes things worse is that I've been having sleepless nights recently and I have been resolving to drinking Nescafe every morning in college to compensate for the 3-5 hours of sleep I've had.
And then I try to last as long as I can, finishing the Nescafe in minutes actually makes you awake as the caffeine accumulates very fast to keep you wary.
As soon as my tests was over, part of me grew tired. I fell asleep in class...
I feel that it's really killing me. My education and my emotions. They don't mix at all.
I've been using a new technique to forget about her. Trust me I have. Of the three people that I've told to, two of them say it's a good idea. The last one said it was stupid and I was only going to create more problems for myself.
I have to agree wif the last person. But I'm not going to tell you my technique. You'd have to ask me first then I decide whether I will tell you or not.
However for the past few days, as I walk home alone myself as usual, I noticed that --
我愈是想把她忘记，愈是想起她，愈是被记忆束薄着，无法得到心里的自由。
今早，我在巴士里默默听歌时，突然间流出了几滴眼泪。
“ 这些泪水，并非原自悲哀，伤心和绝望的感觉。而是我仍还未能放下对你的爱，心中对你的情绪依然在耍我。”
我傻笑了一下，往一下我左边，坐在我座位对面也是个孤独的女孩。她望着窗外，背对着我。好吧，轮到我看着外面的风景，反正没法睡在巴士里了。
我连自己的情绪都稳定不下来，不知如何控制自己的脉搏。
心里的苦痛，只有我自己才知道，却又被自己忽视着。
最伤痛的是在我得到刺激与快乐，我们起初开始认识的地方遇见你，但是很清楚我们会不到过去，只能当作未和任何一方认识过，遗忘了各自的存在，那才是令我心里最刺痛的一刻。
我们。。。可算是互不相干了。。。
你在我心中所留下的痕迹，我永远永远无法移开，只能慢慢等待着时间让它痊愈。
让曾经是你的镜子的我，渐渐摆回碎片，从新创出没有联系到你的新开始。
~ 谢谢你 ~
