Friday, July 24, 2009 ♥ 7:58 PM
失去你的第二天， 心里（倾盆大雨）
Today I woke up multiple times. Or you could say I barely slept at all. I stared at the black ant finding its way across the big white wall. It seems lost. Just like me. In a world of adults, why am I still not mature at all?
I hugged my pillow tightly, feeling that the tears from the night before has not completely dried up. Sorry Kevang, Xin Lin, I know you guys care for me. Thanks Xin Lin for calling me, although I doubt you'd even have time to read my blog.
August come I shall no longer be the Kian Seong you guys once knew. As soon as I step out of this depression of mine, I shall turn into someone else. I have close friends, but ever since secondary school, our distance has grown far apart.
At this point, I don't know the purpose of my life anymore. If given the chance, I would do this -
- Morning go college
- Noon return home bath
- After that go do part-time job
- Night return home late and just sleep it off.
What a f***ing coward solution! I keep telling myself.
But I do not want to have free time anymore. My mind wanders away. And my heartbeat stops. I don't feel alive at all. By 8.30am, I was up. The sky was as bright as ever. But inside me, the days has never been darker. It's gloomy and scary within me. I'm scared.
Funny right?
I'M SCARED OF MYSELF!
Haha... I'm laughing hysterically. I've thought of solutions to fill my free time, play comp games, watch TV dramas, do homework and study. But eventually I would get bored of it. I need a social life. Someone who I can talk to. Not everyday but on most days. Someone to share how I feel. And now I do not have anyone.
After this, the only part of me that looks like Kian Seong, is my name only.
I'll become someone different. Kian Seong is someone you once knew.
