Sunday, July 26, 2009 ♥ 5:57 AM
失去你的第三天， 心里（生不如死)
This morning, I wished I never woke up. For two reasons, coz I dreamt of you twice... Dreams that I wished would've lasted forever. The second reason, because I know I would woke up to a lonely, raining morning without ur concern.
Being as dumb as usual, I picked up my phone to see the blank display screen. 很遗憾. Was I waiting for a message that would never came? Then I asked myself. Why did it have to rain? Why do I have so many draft messages that I intended to send but have no guts to? The drafts are stacking up and eating up space inside my phone.
It's funny. When I needed most advise, I chose to suck it up. Let me lay out the facts.
1. Jilian is slowly forgetting about her guy after four months of agony.
2. Kevang took three years to move on.
Where do I stand? I asked myself... A loyal guy like myself, will I be between them or worse then Kevang?
I deno wat to do. I just got myself a new mp3 player. It will be my best companion in her absence. Whenever I don't feel good, I'll just have to rely on it to hold my tears back in for me.
Then today, saw her again. I wonder if she feels the same as me, the same tightness feeling in the chest, the heaviness of the heart. And I did the dumbest thing today.
~I TRIED TO PRETEND THAT I WAS FINE~
I joked and laughed with my basketball friends. But the more cheerful I tried to pretend to be, the more it hurts inside me. I was suffocating in sorrow. The moments ticked and time seemed to have slowed down as I waited for the game to end. I realized I wasn't playing at even half of my potential, I was crying deep down inside already.
I was relieved by the time the game ended.. My tears were urging to come out, so I tried to remove them through my sweat pores. I took a big fast jog around the park. By the time I came back, I was panting for breath. But not good enough.
I took my friend's bike and cycled to the back of the houses. There I wiped my tears dry before appearing at the basketball court again. In which I tried not to think about it by staring at the football match. But my last basketball game, the real match between adult teenagers, I performed exceeded my potential. I ran for every ball, tried to block most shots. I scored some, assisted some.
But becoz I kept losing my focus, I sprained my ankle slightly and got scratched multiple times. I cannot go on like this. I'm going to FALL APART soon...
安静 - 周杰伦
你要我说多难堪
我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份
包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多
我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开
我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份
安静得没这么快
我会学着放弃你
是因为我太爱你
