Friday, July 31, 2009 ♥ 11:09 PM
失去你的第八天， 心里（再见建祥)
It's already been eight days. Yes. It's first of August d. Kian Seong is no longer here. Wat's left is a person called Kevin.
Thursday, I went to Baskin Robbins for briefing and my first try out after college. During introduction to my supervisor, Melissa, I held back my real name by calling myself Kevin.
Eventually, on the day itself I was called Kevin the whole day by my colleagues and friends. SO happy.. X)
Alright, now I shall explain from morning till evening.
Morning, I pretended to go to college. Then when my parents left home, I returned and packed to get ready to work full day. They thought I working half day only. But i have my reasons.
So... I was at Baskin Robbins at 9am. Me, Leon, Boon Yen, Khai Sim and Yin Yee were given caps, BR shirts and aprons before start of work. Very smelly the clothes. They never wash wan... EEWW.. we kept complainin only. haha...
Then, work started. Wah.. crazy man. The queue never end man. Up to closing time there were always customers. ALWAYS! Now I will explain the sizes of the cups:
Pint - my fav coz small
Quartz - many ppl order, but not easy to scoop
1/2 Gallon - insya-allah... So much to put inside man
And of coz, Leon's Rum Raisin's DOUBLE D CUP! XD
So we started working at 9.30am. Walau, a lot of people came man. The first four orders of the day, three were mine. See how geng i am? XD
Now, let me tell you the three things that every worker does. And it goes in order too.
1. Check out customer (pretty girl? leng zai? kind or bitchy ppl? mine was last category only)
2. Pray hard... pray dam hard the size they order is Pint. If not den Quartz. No 1/2 gallon coz that will be killing.
3. Hoping customer order easy-to-scoop ice-cream.
I'll explain without exaggeration on point three now.
Some ice-cream hor, melted and froze again, so it's like a whole big ice cube. geng leh. Now, in order to scoop it up, we had to use our scooping ting and stab it as hard as we could.
The best was Very Berry Strawberry, Jamoca and Coconut. I had to do four 1/2 gallons for these flavors. Took me 20 mins to get the whole ting filled up only. I have never seen ice-cream harder than a piece of BRICK!
We had to take it out from the freezer, let it melt and then scoop the edges. Sien man. Reli wan die tat time.
Let me tell everyone this THING! There is nothing about me that looks like a Malay except my skin color. So stop using malay to communicate with me. This is how it went. Out of 10 customers, 6 spoke to me in Malay.
All these 6 were chinese.
All Malays I attended to spoke in English.
See the big difference? Malays can differentiate me. Chinese.... Not so geng.
T.T
Who came to see us? Uncle from bball court. Ze Xiang and Lucas (had lunch wif them, awesome supportive friends). Shereen (why u din buy? T.T). Kevang (thanks thanks for coming. You look way better now. Sry no time talk to you.. T.T).
The rest ar... Haiz. I called 10 ppl who said dey'll be dere. In the end only two turned up. Oh yea, practically lunch started at 4pm for me and Boon Yen. Dinner at 11pm. So whole day only had two meals. And at very awkward times.
Luckily all my colleagues are friendly. Quite funny some of them. Nice people. Helpful. My day was quite enjoyable thanks to them seriously.
*There was this malay senior, named Shamsilah, Shamsiah, Sham Cheah? I deno her name reli. She had the same looks as her. From head to toe. I came here to work my mind off and guess wat? it made me remember the times of the past only. But Shamsiah was quite nice, always helping me out and complainin at me for being soft towards customers.* sowee... I am a gentle person in general wan mar.. And no... I have no feelings for her at all. I dun have feelings for anyone else.
I am actually forcing myself to type all these despite the cuts, bruises and pain i'm suffering all over my hands. I touched dry ice too long so parts of my skin is very sensitive now and got burning sensation sometimes. T.T
By the time everything ended it was 12.30am. So I dragged myself into Yin Yee's car and had to walk back home from Khai Sim's house. Arrived home at 1.20am...
Took a nice long bath, cut the blister on my fingers (painful man!), massage and soak my fingers in hot water and then head to bed. Dam tired. OMG....
So this is a hard days work at Baskin Robbins. I don't mind working again, but I have to warn those people without tolerance. YOU WILL DIE DOING IT!!
I love this song. I know it's a bit too late and outdated. But recently I find the meaning of the lyrics suit me...
Secondhand Serenade : Your Call
Tuesday, July 28, 2009 ♥ 9:46 PM
失去你的第六天， 心里（还放不下)
It's very funny sometimes... I wonder where I stand now. My tears have completely dried up. I have lost most of the sadness feelings inside me. This is because... Because you messaged me? It reli makes me feel better.. A lot better.
But it breaks my heart to know that you're grumpy. I can still vividly remember how you use to be so happy all the time, how you'd use to trick me and make fun of me. That's the kind, gentle soul that I will remember always. So please, don't be like that. I don't mind admitting -
You are the first person I used ' =) ' in my messages. And in a very large number. Almost in all my msgs.
I want you to be happy. Smile. Remember the CIRCUMZENITHAL ARC? It was the first time I saw an upside down RAINBOW. And you were the first person I told you about.
On my way to college, the bus passes by a road that still contains your school's banner. The one that I attend at the start of the year. Together with you. Just months down, since when did our distance suddenly get so far?
It's hard for you to adapt to the sudden changes.. I guess? It's the same here... Let's do our best and see where we go alright? Smiles forever.. =)
I'LL STILL BE WAITING...
Here's a firefly. Just one so small... Have you seen it before? =)
Here's the whole gang of fireflies which lights up the tree, making it look as beautiful as a christmas tree. =)
Wo Zhi Dao 我知道 (I Know) Lyrics ~ BY2
从来没想过不能再和你牵手
委屈时候
没有你
陪着我心痛
一切都是我
太过骄纵
以为你会懂
一直忘了说
我有多感动
我知道你还是爱着我
虽然
分开的理由
我们都已接受
你知道我会有多难过
所以
即使到最后
还微笑着
要我加油
我知道你还放不下我
才会
在离开时
闭着眼没有回头
我们都知道彼此心中
其实
这份爱没停过
曾经完整幸福的梦
在脑海里头
我多希望你
还在我左右
答应你
我会好好过
不让
这些眼泪白流
Monday, July 27, 2009 ♥ 5:57 PM
失去你的第五天， 心里（情不自禁)
Last night, I listened to Breathe after messaging you. I cried and wet my pillow. Haha. I tried to do the dumbest thing ever... I tried to replay the song time after time as I slowly fall to sleep. But everytime the lyrics would get into my head and prevent me from sleeping. It would play and play inside my head, reminding me of how hurt it was for her to let me go.
Time will heal. Time will cure everything. No matter how many times I told myself that. Time is the worse problem for me. Time will do me no good. I have a poor judgement of time. I admit it.
I should stop hiding my real feelings. I know. I'm sorry. Haiz... But a lot of people don't want to see me this way. The usual me that's cheerful and happy. That's the person I might become once more. That's the person that she fell in love from the start.
But throughout the time, I've changed.
I'm SORRY...
If only things could change back now..
This morning, I would have probably made you mad. But you are hiding ur feelings too. Don't tell me that there isn't any feelings left at all...
The smiles of your messages.. Each and every single ' =) ' tears my heart away. Is that how you're really feeling? Is it that you're happy coz I'm around? I don't know. I doubt you'd ever give me an answer.
I might be feeling better a bit now.. But my heart is ever-heavy.
This morning, I listened to 'breathe' once more. But didn't cry...
YAY!!
Sunday, July 26, 2009 ♥ 9:25 PM
失去你的第四天， 心里（情不自禁)
This morning, I wanted to wish her best of luck in your exams. And so I did. But the worst part was having receive her message.
"=)
I hope you're moving on...
=)"
I hope you're moving on...
=)"
I laughed hysterically as I knew that I have not moved on at all, not even by an inch. I'm still stuck where I was left behind by you. I'm still here where I belong, the same old me that still LOVES her. Bracing myself, I sent two more messages. But I knew there wasn't going to be a reply. I cried on the bus, twice. Not reli cry.. But just weep.. The new Mp3 player I have didn't reli help much.
I was still hung up even when I reached college. I dun wan to feel this way, but I can't help it. If only she knew how much I still love her. When I was standing on the edge of a cliff, I knew I wouldn't never fall because she's there. But without her, I've plunged to my death.
I check my drafts, only last night I cleared them. And now, there's already 20 pending drafts waiting for an address to be delivered to.
And during IT lesson, I decided to check out Breathe by Taylor Swift. Why do you keep making me CRY!!!
Do you know how hurt this song is?
Why must you do this? I still don't understand. I still believe that what we had was true. I know it was. Every step I take, every moment I spent listening to this song, i can feel the tears, they are ripping my heart out. I have to quickly wipe them off... I cannot keep crying like this. But I can't help it.
The truth is:
I STILL LOVE YOU... EVERY PART OF ME STILL DOES... DON'T GO...
CAN'T YOU HEAR THAT MY HEART IS CRYING OUT FOR YOU?
♥ 5:57 AM
失去你的第三天， 心里（生不如死)
This morning, I wished I never woke up. For two reasons, coz I dreamt of you twice... Dreams that I wished would've lasted forever. The second reason, because I know I would woke up to a lonely, raining morning without ur concern.
Being as dumb as usual, I picked up my phone to see the blank display screen. 很遗憾. Was I waiting for a message that would never came? Then I asked myself. Why did it have to rain? Why do I have so many draft messages that I intended to send but have no guts to? The drafts are stacking up and eating up space inside my phone.
It's funny. When I needed most advise, I chose to suck it up. Let me lay out the facts.
1. Jilian is slowly forgetting about her guy after four months of agony.
2. Kevang took three years to move on.
Where do I stand? I asked myself... A loyal guy like myself, will I be between them or worse then Kevang?
I deno wat to do. I just got myself a new mp3 player. It will be my best companion in her absence. Whenever I don't feel good, I'll just have to rely on it to hold my tears back in for me.
Then today, saw her again. I wonder if she feels the same as me, the same tightness feeling in the chest, the heaviness of the heart. And I did the dumbest thing today.
~I TRIED TO PRETEND THAT I WAS FINE~
I joked and laughed with my basketball friends. But the more cheerful I tried to pretend to be, the more it hurts inside me. I was suffocating in sorrow. The moments ticked and time seemed to have slowed down as I waited for the game to end. I realized I wasn't playing at even half of my potential, I was crying deep down inside already.
I was relieved by the time the game ended.. My tears were urging to come out, so I tried to remove them through my sweat pores. I took a big fast jog around the park. By the time I came back, I was panting for breath. But not good enough.
I took my friend's bike and cycled to the back of the houses. There I wiped my tears dry before appearing at the basketball court again. In which I tried not to think about it by staring at the football match. But my last basketball game, the real match between adult teenagers, I performed exceeded my potential. I ran for every ball, tried to block most shots. I scored some, assisted some.
But becoz I kept losing my focus, I sprained my ankle slightly and got scratched multiple times. I cannot go on like this. I'm going to FALL APART soon...
安静 - 周杰伦
你要我说多难堪
我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份
包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多
我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开
我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份
安静得没这么快
我会学着放弃你
是因为我太爱你
Friday, July 24, 2009 ♥ 7:58 PM
失去你的第二天， 心里（倾盆大雨）
Today I woke up multiple times. Or you could say I barely slept at all. I stared at the black ant finding its way across the big white wall. It seems lost. Just like me. In a world of adults, why am I still not mature at all?
I hugged my pillow tightly, feeling that the tears from the night before has not completely dried up. Sorry Kevang, Xin Lin, I know you guys care for me. Thanks Xin Lin for calling me, although I doubt you'd even have time to read my blog.
August come I shall no longer be the Kian Seong you guys once knew. As soon as I step out of this depression of mine, I shall turn into someone else. I have close friends, but ever since secondary school, our distance has grown far apart.
At this point, I don't know the purpose of my life anymore. If given the chance, I would do this -
- Morning go college
- Noon return home bath
- After that go do part-time job
- Night return home late and just sleep it off.
What a f***ing coward solution! I keep telling myself.
But I do not want to have free time anymore. My mind wanders away. And my heartbeat stops. I don't feel alive at all. By 8.30am, I was up. The sky was as bright as ever. But inside me, the days has never been darker. It's gloomy and scary within me. I'm scared.
Funny right?
I'M SCARED OF MYSELF!
Haha... I'm laughing hysterically. I've thought of solutions to fill my free time, play comp games, watch TV dramas, do homework and study. But eventually I would get bored of it. I need a social life. Someone who I can talk to. Not everyday but on most days. Someone to share how I feel. And now I do not have anyone.
After this, the only part of me that looks like Kian Seong, is my name only.
I'll become someone different. Kian Seong is someone you once knew.
♥ 6:29 AM
失去你的第一天，心里（雨）
Chong Kian Seong is dead as of today... Not physically. But from now onwards, please do not call him by his name anymore. Do not CALL him Kian Seong or 建祥. He does not want to hear tat name anymore.
Give him any nickname... Ugly duckling. The pimple man. Anything... I don't care. Just don't call me by my name anymore.
The only way to have a good night's sleep (without thinking of you) :
1. Sleep as late as possible (1 - 5 am in the morning )
2. Tire myself out. Like I did today. But I tink I still won't be able to sleep. So i'll combine with first technique.
Thursday, July 23, 2009 ♥ 4:50 PM
Can you keep a secret?Between me and you...
You promise?
I really need to tell you this...
Well,
I'm reli jealous when I heard about what happened.
I trust that you will still be here for me. =)
Saturday, July 18, 2009 ♥ 8:38 AM
BON ODORI 2009
MUAHAHA! You have no idea how clear the pictures were that I took with my DSLR CAMERA! exceptionally beautiful! =)
Alright, after spending about 25 mins on LRT, i got down at central and took another 30 mins in KTM to get to the Shah Alam station. The free shuttle bus arrived at 4.15pm like tat.
After reaching the Matsushita Stadium, we got our free fans that had the agenda on one side and a picture on the other. Smart enough, I took two using my clever brain.
First, this is how the place looks like. I mean the stage lar. When me n Calvin first arrived, the Japanese Students were already practising.
Then of course, so were the guards. They were receiving commands when we arrived.
Still practising, but this time i got a closer shot.
Calvin and me went survey the prices and types of food there. We did not manage to do it last year, so since we were early this time, might as well go and find out lor.
First authentic Japanese girl I saw. I just had to take a pic.
The food here was not reli cheap... So we did not reli buy as we weren't interested in the food too.
Somehow I felt these ppl were local. From their style and their way of walking. I'm here to expose and reveal the secrets and distinguish the real and fake. XD
JAPANESE ICE CREAM! Very nice. RM6 for each type though. The one I had was biscuit type on the outside but Ice cream on the inside. Supremely nice.. X)
Nah... Just to show you how big the field is. The stall section is behind where I stood though.
Takoyaki. Awesome leh... Japanese Sotong-Balls. We bought 6 balls at RM7.. OMG, it was cold.. If hot den better lar...
What would a Japanese culture event be without Sushi King right? They even have their own rotating table tingy here. During night time, it was full man... No chance to eat at all...
These 5 are confirm FAKES! XD
Performers, pure japanese performers before changing into their kimonos.
Alright, I have been waiting to explain this.. XD
Violation number 1 - No COSPLAY!
It's so obvious these two were cosplaying man.. can't u tell? XD
2nd pic of the cosplay ppl. They shud read d rules first next time..
3 Real japanese girls... At first I mistook the black shirt girl for the same girl that I took my most awesome pic in my life... =) too bad wasn't her...
This was the pic I took in Bon Odori 2008. Awesome background effects. She din perform this year...
OMG man.. The girl was so cute. I asked the dad for a pic and the girl willingly came. KAWAII! HAHA, Calvin, thx for taking for me. U din wan to take urself, so dun blame me yea.. XD
The only fella in the whole event that had the traditional japanese umbrella. Of course must take pic lar.. XD
Real japanese, seriously man... They were talking so fast I barely had the chance to understand. I just caught some main words only.. T.T
Somehow, the only "stunning" red kimono I saw. She's a fake Japanese though.
And then I saw this picture. Okay, now let me explain my main intention of this picture. I did not meant to take pic of the red hair guy. Instead I was taking the pic of the Wan Ton's in kimono's. (In case u deno, Wan Ton's means.... MALAI REN... I saw d pic only realize d red hair guy.. XD)
Me and Calvin bought Sake.. RM6 per cup. Drank but not drunk. Throat hot but not burning.
Girl behind was Rebecca who joined us after me and Calvin arrived about one hour plus later. Luckily she was rather sociable.. I dun reli noe her even thou same sec skul be4 but at least can chat lar...
Calvin's bro. Followed school bus. ALAH! Becoz of u lar I had to find my own way home... T.T
Pls refer back to violation number 1, you pink dressing cosplayer... XD
Here you have almost the whole view of the ppl in the stadium. Estimated about 20k? or more... A lot of ppl.
Then we have the dances... For more information regarding the dances, pls see the few links below... It's on youtube but it's last years dances... Same this year.. I was inside it, dancing and enjoying myself. Quite fun as I yelled and cheered quite often...
So roughly, this is it. I have like so many more photos but not the time to show every one of them. I'm sorry. This is how the event ended lar. Din stay back for fireworks, too bad.
Alright... I need to continue on a story that I've been writing. I know it's 12.30am d. But I wanna finish one chapter or so. If it can make her smile, I'm going to write a chapter of "Voices of a Distant Star"...
IF ONLY SHE COULD BE BY MY SIDE.. BUT SHE'S ASLEEP.. SWEET DREAMS, DEAR.. =)
Thursday, July 16, 2009 ♥ 4:43 PM
Kian Seong wants her to know that :
- he loves her.
- he wants to be with her
- he's hoping she would love him forever
- he's willing to change for her
- she's the only one he has left
- she makes him smile and lightens his days
- there is always sadness and happiness in relationship
- and that we can overcome the sadness everytime
- every time after the rain (sad moments), an average of two rainbows appear.
- The rainbow's name are "KIAN SEONG" n "Y*** **"
- In that rainbow lies smiles that will light up the sky once more
- AND NEVER EVER SAY I LOVED THE WRONG PERSON..
- THERE CAN BE NO OTHER THAT CAN FILL THAT EMPTY SPACE BESIDE ME..
- Hopefully until death do we part...
AND HE MEANT EVERYTHING HE SAID ABOVE...
Tuesday, July 14, 2009 ♥ 10:03 PM
No Time Blog...
In IT lab now.. making quick post... Very bored man. Later got English Essay Test 2-4pm.
DENG LOR... Haven't study yet... =)
Got to make sure my IT project is done soon. GTG BB!
In IT lab now.. making quick post... Very bored man. Later got English Essay Test 2-4pm.
DENG LOR... Haven't study yet... =)
Got to make sure my IT project is done soon. GTG BB!
Friday, July 10, 2009 ♥ 6:26 AM
I'm in a very sad mood now...
Depressing in fact.
1) Fall out with the one i love...
2) Ppl placing their hopes on me to join Taylor's Frisbee Competition but I crushed their hopes...
3) Bon Odori might not happen...
Elaboration on first point is not needed. It's my personal life. I love her. Tat's all everyone needs to know. And I need her to be by my side. I'm willing to forget everything that's happened and start anew with her. If she's reading this... I wanna say -
"I'M SORRY... PLEASE FORGIVE MY FOOLISHNESS..."
Second, there's suppose to be a Frisbee Competition tomoro, held by Taylor's. As the treasurer, or so I'm told i was during start of the year, I shud be joining.
But I did not. I have exams next week and tomoro my dad asked me to do some errands for him. I hope you guys can understand. My hand itches to get that feel once more. The sensation of running till out of breath for the team and catch the disc at the end zone. But I have my problems. So I can't make it. Forgive me. I've disappointed you guys and I'm apologizing in front of everyone.
Lastly is the icing on the cake on my depression status. Bon Odori. My most happy upcoming event of the year is not going to happen. This year it was suppose to be spend with Calvin and Louise Tan. But I just received news that i cannot hitch a ride on the Catholic bus and there's no transport. Louise on the other hand did not know about it until today. When the forms had to be recollected. My parents planned a Port Dickson trip on that week somemore. I really want to cry at the thought of it...
Please... I would really appreciate it if you could be here for me. Right when I need you the most...
Wednesday, July 8, 2009 ♥ 6:34 AM
I DO (CHERISH YOU)
All I am, all I'll be
Everything in this world
All that I'll ever need
Is in your eyes
Shining at me
When you smile I can feel
All my passion unfolding
Your hand brushes mine
And a thousand sensations
Seduce me 'cause I
Chorus
I do cherish you
For the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will love you still
>From the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking do I love you this much
I do
In my world, before you
I lived outside my emotions
Didn't know where I was going
'Till that day I found you
How you opened my life
To a new paradise
In a world torn by change
Still with all my heart
'Till my dying day
~1314520~
Thursday, July 2, 2009 ♥ 7:46 AM
Do you noe that every night, I wished I was able to think of a bedtime story to tell you. Just as you are about to sleep, so you can rest well in comfort. But I can't think of simple short stories that are interesting and nice. I'm sorry...
I am still hoping for a day when I can read to you a bedtime story. <3
And then when you're asleep, I can be right next to you, keeping you safe from harm. Surrounding you with love and warmth that'll drive away all nightmares.
To watch over you and protect you, I'm hoping for that day to come... <3
