Wednesday, June 10, 2009 ♥ 12:25 AM
"I'm confused with my feelings..."
That was the sentence that she told me. A few times already. Until today, I never really bothered about the message. But now. I'm beginning to realize that it was never meant to be? Ever since that day she chose to ignore me, things were not quite the same as before anymore.
Just a few days ago, we chatted like we used to. But there was something lacking. The feelings I guess?
Receiving that message from her today really made me feel down.
Friends... that's all we'll ever be I guess.
I've done a few things for her. Well, truth is... quite a lot. More than you can imagine. But all I get is a thanks. She has never done anything for me besides caring for me through sms and going jogging with me. But there won't be anymore jogs.
I feel held back, unable to move on. I'm stuck in a standstill, where I can't do anything. It's killing me, I can't breathe, I can't feel much of positive emotions. My heartbeat is all I hear in my head. I'M SUFFOCATING!
I'm feeling DAM SURPRESSED. I've lost appetite and sleep. I've sacrifice hours and manpower. But I don't see the results. Someone else might have appreciated my efforts more. The truth is - maybe we weren't meant to be. I chose to ignore that, because I thought that actions are influential as they can change things and shape the future. Nope. I CAN ASSURE YOU, THEY CAN'T! I'm not trying to say your future is written. NO ONE ELSE'S IS.
However, there are things in work that even I cannot understand. I have reached my limits. I DON'T SEE IT ANYMORE...
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I do not know why I'm still here. But one day I may not be able to take it anymore. I will disappear then. Find a new life and try to move on.
