Sunday, November 11, 2007 ♥ 5:20 AM
Finally, after what seems to be a decade of torture and torment to me have ended. To all my friends out there, I would like to shout: “I’m FREE!!”
During this past year, many events have taken place. So many, both enjoyable and sorrowful. I have managed to set myself free of this chain that’s been around my heart since the day I cuffed them in myself. For as long as I remembered, this chain has been remained locked and the only key to opening it have been swollen.
But not any more. I have dissected my stomach and grabbed the bloody key out of it. I have removed the unbearable chain of tragic. Leaving back the pain and heart aches to the past. Something to remember of and not bring forward to the present nor future. For many of those around me who have suffered and have not been able to mix well with me, I’m apologize deeply. Sincerely.
I know that somewhere around this year, I was introduced to a bunch of new friends. A group of young broodlings who were younger than me by 3 years. They were a friend of a friend. We did not connect well then. Everything lasted about a month. Now we’ve distanced apart.
That was then. And will be in the present and future. Ever since all the pain and tears I have caused among a few people which I have regretted, I concluded to chain my heart, never get too close with anyone. To protect each other’s feelings. To prevent myself from getting deeper in the Labyrinth of Sorrow. I have chosen a path that leads to a habit, a life which is far different from what I used to be.
Those that were close with me, I still treat them with love and care. These are the people which have been proven difficult to let go. For those that I just got to know, I’m sorry for being such a pariah. At times I feel incongruous. Even to a group of neighbourhood friends whom I’ve just known about a year ago. I used to play catching with them then. As zany as I used to be, I had fun. Now, I’d just sit on the swing, enjoy watching them run around like dogs playing with each other while I listen to my music.
Music, the one other solution to my problems in life. Whenever I was down, or needed a rest, I would plug those earphones in my ears and expunge every other noise around me. It was a way of escaping my problems. I still do it now.
Nevertheless, I remained forlorn. It was arduous trying to pick up or start a conversation with my new found friends. Slowly, I effaced most of my emotions towards certain people. I don’t like getting too attached. The closer you are, the more hurtful it gets. I have to elucidate that this was the past. Not much has changed now, but I have taken a step out of the Labyrinth.
I have started making amends for all the cajoles I have made. One by one, I try to catch up with my friends’ lives for being obsolete. To find out what I have missed out and not teased them about. To try to communicate with them. They think I’m crass. But I know what I really want.
There have been friends which I have ever and always enjoyed their company. An exchange of vulgar words in everyday conversations could never debilitate our friendship. They have accompanied me through rough times, whether they know or not. And I thank them for this.
Please give me some time and condone me of all my mistakes and my personality in the past. I’ll try to be more garrulous and intemperate. Just for a little fun.. ^^ At times, you may think I’m peerless, but if you looked deeper, I’m one who is willing to improve on comments and expectations. And never will I perfidy the trust of anyone. Never.
At last. I’ve reached cloud 9.
At last, I am forgiven…
